Hushed Voices, Secrets Untold

Giving women a voice, one day at a time

Living With Domestic Violence

I met the man that abused me, I was 16 years old, miserable at home and not happy with life in general. I met him while I was working at a restaurant and he was a waiter, he was 4 years older than me and had been in college a while. He was good looking, well-off, well-mannered, he spoiled me, made me feel like a queen and he was very charming. He had the kind of charm that as my mom would say “could charm the skin off of a snake”.

Many have asked, did I recognize when I was dating him, what my life with him would be like? Looking back I can honestly say that we had fights, nothing most dating couples didn’t have, but ours were worse. He had a bad temper and yes he liked to drink even then, a lot. I just contributed that to him being part of a fraternity and the college life. Well, we got married my second semester in college and shortly thereafter, I was pregnant.

He convinced me to leave college and then proceeded to drag me 1,200 miles away from any of my family and friends. The abuse started quietly, mostly anger to start and of course the drinking. He was in the military and we were barely making ends meet and the financial stress, as well as the stress of a military job started making things worse. One day he came home and his dinner was on the table and it had gotten cold, and all of a sudden I felt him back hand me across the face. Of course I was horrified and he begged me to forgive him and he swore never to do that again. The following few days were tranquil. This cycle of bruised cheeks and apologizing repeated it self for several months, and then he got stationed in another city 3,000 miles away from my family and friends in California. Then things began to change.

I will continue this story in my subsequent posts. If you have never been abused these next posts may be difficult to read but they are important. The veil of secrecy and silence that has been a part of domestic violence must be lifted and the abused must have a voice. If you are suffering, there is information here to help you. Please speak out, find your voice and get the help you need.

Please feel free to comment, your comments are welcome.

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