Hushed Voices, Secrets Untold

Giving women a voice, one day at a time

Archive for the tag “hiding”

Don’t Cover It Up

There was an article on the Daily Mail not too long ago that hit a nerve with me. As you know, many domestic violence victims can often have many bruises or wounds, some visible some not. This particular article dealt with the “Don’t Cover It Up” campaign going on in the UK right now regarding domestic violence.

Some domestic violence victims go to great lengths to cover their bruises or wounds. This often entails, make-up, heavy clothing, sunglasses, etc.. Now, the “Don’t Cover It Up” campaign, encourages domestic violence victims to stop hiding, to make domestic violence a known issue, and to make people pay attention to the social issue that is still a very real problem.

I know that when I was going through my domestic violence ordeal, my bruises were still visible even though I tried to cover them. I wanted to shout out to the world, “See what he did to me!” But, my shame kept me from doing so.

It is time to stop the shame. Domestic violence victims should not be ashamed!! They should uncover their bruises, so that the stigma attached to domestic violence will end once and for all, and allow these women to walk around with their heads held high knowing they have nothing to be ashamed of!

I am not ashamed. I do not walk around with my head hanging down. I am not the one who needs to be ashamed, my suffering was not my fault. Domestic violence victims need to uncover, show their bruises and not be afraid. They are not the ones that need to be afraid, they did nothing wrong.

A woman should not have to put on make-up to cover up what some insecure, angry person has done to her. It is time for her to have the confidence, to stand and say, “I am not a victim, these bruises are not my fault.”

Support your local domestic violence organizations and any campaigns to put and end to domestic violence. It is time. “Don’t Cover It Up” is a great campaign I hope it takes hold here in the United States.

So many beautiful women are covering up their beauty due to the hands of someone else. Don’t cover it up.



I had an appointment with my therapist this week and we were talking about all the things I have been through in the last year, some good some bad. Things such as getting laid off after 10 years at my job, the death of my mom, getting married, the birth of my grandson, my husband changing jobs, the death of my ex-BIL, the list goes on. She mentioned that those were a lot of life changes in a year of someone’s life. As we were talking about the feelings I was having about all of it, I kept mentioning how busy I was with school, my new marriage, etc… and she said something profound. She said. “I wonder if you are hiding behind of that busyness and not really dealing with your feelings.”

This statement really bothered me because as I learned in therapy years ago after domestic violence you cannot hide. Dealing with the feelings, the anger, the rage, the sadness, the humiliation, all of it has to be dealt with. I had to ask myself was I taking a step backwards. I told my therapist that every domestic violence victim is always on the road to recovery. We are always working on self-motivation, self-preservation, self-discovery, self-esteem and all those things that lead us to a better place. It takes work everyday. I began to wonder had I gotten so busy with my life had I quit working on all the things that got me here in the first place? The answer was YES.

That was an awful discovery.

It is like starting over for an alcoholic that has dropped off the wagon. Staying on the road to recovery after domestic violence, as I mentioned before, takes work every day. I have fallen off that wagon per se. I have gotten so busy with my life that I have forgotten to keep working on my recovery that now I am hiding again, not dealing with feelings, holding stuff in and finding excuses not to deal with stuff.

You may say to yourself, well it’s not like you are drinking or doing drugs. What you don’t understand is that domestic violence completely destroys a human being. It breaks them down, they have no self-esteem, no idea of who they are, they have no identity, no sense of self, no idea of what or who they should be, they have been told for who knows how long they are worthless, and good for nothing. They have been manipulated, followed, told how to eat, dress and live. They have been beaten and abused, time after time and most times, worse.

This leads to a  victim being completely broken, exposed, completely vulnerable and leaves them open for a lifetime of  having episodes when these feelings are worse than others. Therefore, recovery is a lifelong process. It is imperative that every domestic violence victim keeps working towards their recovery everyday. I have lost my way but I will get back on that path once again. If you are a survivor don’t get lost in the here and now, maintain your recovery before everything you have worked for seems no longer important. Fight for every day and fight for your happiness and your survival. I am.

If you are hurting and need help, there is help for you here.


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